Wisdom From Classic Love Songs

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.”  ~Unknown

You can’t turn on the radio without hearing a song about love, whether it’s the TMI kind that unfolds in a country song, the innocent kind described in pre-adolescent pop, or the idealized kind a singer either just found or recently lost.

Whether you believe love conquers all or you’re slightly more cynical, odds are you know loving and being loved gives life a whole new meaning.

You can spend time alone and enjoy it, but your world expands by leaps and bounds when you see it both through your eyes and the eyes of the people you love. You can do fulfilling work, but it’s more powerful when you feel a sense of purpose connected to people, those you know and those you don’t.

When you think about finding love, you’re probably more concerned with finding a long-term partner than love in general, in the faces of babies, the smiles of strangers, and all that idealized-sounding jazz. This post is partly about that, but it’s not limited to romantic love.

If you want to feel more connected to people, this post is for you. If you’d like to feel understood, accepted, supported, and appreciated, this post is for you. If you’re ready to do things differently to feel the type of love your cynicism might tell you isn’t real, yes, this post is for you.

With a little help from Whitney, Celine, and more, I give you 8 tips to find love:

1. Realize learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. (Whitney Houston)

Most of us have a lot of the same fears–one being that we’re not good enough. It’s natural to feel a sense of self-doubt. We’re only human, after all, and experiences and emotions sometimes stretch us beyond our comfort levels.

But it’s another thing to believe deep down that you’re not lovable. If you want to experience real love with other people, you need to believe you’re worthy of happiness and make a conscious choice to create it. Be kind to yourself in your thinking. Cut yourself some slack when you make mistakes. Give yourself permission to do things you enjoy without judging or criticizing yourself.

Like Jenny Nichols wrote in 40 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets: become the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That person would love and accept you for who you are. If you expect someone else to do that, you need to do it first.

2. Remember: your heart will go on. (Celine Dion)

The best way to open yourself up to love also happens to be one of the most difficult things to do: let go of pain from the past. It’s difficult to be open and authentic when you’re holding onto regret, resentment, disappointment or cynicism because of past experiences–or worse, you’re half expecting people are waiting to hurt you.

You can’t both guard your heart and love fully. To love is to risk hurting–but it’s a risk worth taking. And it’s a lot easier if you live in the present moment. Focus on really seeing the people in front of you, without letting fear color your perceptions. Enjoy the moments you have with people. You can never be certain you won’t hurt later, not in any aspect of life.

Don’t think about that now. Just open your heart. If you get hurt, your heart will go on.

3. Let it be. (John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

Have you ever noticed it’s nearly impossible to develop authentic feelings for someone else when you’re fixated on finding love? The desire takes on a life of it’s own and overpowers potential relationships with hopes, expectations, and even fears. Instead of seeing someone for who they are, you see them for the hole they can fill in you.

If you want to create new possibilities for connections, you first need to accept and fully embrace your reality as it is. It’s far better to meet new people from a place of peace and fulfillment than a place of desperation or need.

It’s like I described in 10 Ways to Have Loving, Peaceful Relationships: people are like glasses of water. If you don’t do what you have to do to keep your glass full, you’ll need to take it from someone else–which leaves them half full. Use your single time to fill your own glass so you’re complete and whole when you’re next in a relationship.

4. If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, dance. (Lee Ann Womack)

*Not a classic love song, but just oh-so relevant!

The best way to open yourself up to love is to love the life you’re living. Go out and create exciting new possibilities for yourself. Do the things you’ve always talked about doing. Impress yourself. When you expand your world and live a life of passion people naturally gravitate toward you.

Another perk: when you indulge your hobbies and make new connections through them, you’re more likely to meet people who are compatible. Go to book readings. Join an adventure club. Take a night class. Put yourself in a position to meet people who are excited by the same things that move you.

Even if it doesn’t immediately lead you to a person you feel passionate about, you’ll feel passionate about the life you’re living. That alone is a compelling motivation.

5. Believe in magic. (The Lovin’ Spoondful)

I’m not talking about the happily-ever-after kind of magic we learn about as kids. I’m not talking about the you-complete-me kind of magic we learn from movies like Jerry Maguire. I’m talking about the type of love that’s more than a feeling of security and attachment. The type that isn’t solely concerned with what you can get, but also what you can give.

The type of love that feels so powerful and liberating, you can’t help but show it in actions. Believe you can both give and receive that love, not just from one specific person, but from any number of people.

Believe love is the glue that holds people together, that creates miracles, that brings out the best in people. Believe it starts with you. The only way to feel that type of fully accepted, supported, and understood love is to first believe it’s possible, and then be willing to show people what it looks like.

6. Accept that: no one can make their heart feel something it won’t. (Bonnie Raitt)

It’s a tale as old as time: you want someone, they don’t reciprocate, so you hold onto hope that some day you can be together. You long, you pine, you imagine, you wait–all the while life goes on. People come in and out of your life, but you fail to see opportunities for new connections because you’ve attached yourself to a possibility with someone else.

What you’re attached to isn’t that specific person–it’s an idealized version of your life that you’ve imagined must involve them.

What you really want is to love and be loved. To do that you need to let go of what’s not there with one person, and believe it will be there with someone else. That you will feel as strongly for another person in the future–and that it will be reciprocated. It will, but only if you prepare yourself to receive it.

7. Know it’s more than words. (Extreme)

People often suffocate potential relationships with words, trying to define them, solidify them, or feel a sense of control and security within them. It’s a natural human instinct to want to hold onto something that feels good–but a relationship can’t unfold if you’re trying to pin it down.

If it’s the right connection, your relationship will evolve with time. In the beginning, take your time deciding if it is, in fact, right.

See people objectively instead of rushing to mold them into your ideal partner. When you let love grow naturally, it’s like building a strong foundation for a home. It may take more time than pitching a tent, but it’s a lot less likely to fall over at the first sign of storms.

8. Believe it’s a wonderful world. (Louis Armstrong)

Love isn’t scarce or elusive–it’s everywhere. You don’t have to look for it to find it; you just have to open your eyes and see it.

Don’t let yourself get jaded. Don’t believe or expect the worst in people. And lastly, don’t limit yourself to experiencing love solely as romance.

People want to feel safe to open up and be authentic. People want to connect on a meaningful level. People want to give and receive love. Every day we have a choice to open up or shut down. To embrace people and possibilities, or close them out. Stay open. Stay passionate. Stay giving, compassionate, and trusting.

And most importantly, give yourself the chance to be vulnerable. People can only love you if they have the chance to know you. Give them that chance. Not just for you–but for them. You make the world a better place when you share who you really are. You are just that amazing and lovable.